‘Write a piece for the choir mag,’ he said. ‘Go on, its easy. Just look at the prompt sheet I’ve given you – there will be plenty of ideas. Like “How to appreciate music” or “How you came to join the choir”’ . . . . . hmmmmm.

Do you believe in predestination? Read on!

I had an unfortunate childhood, coming from a long line of bass’tards (although my mother says I’m not one myself). My first few months were spent in a bassinette used as a cot. I was christened in a beautiful church with an impressive bassilica. From an early age I was a profound thinker with a deep understanding of the bassic issues. When 7 or 8 years of age I wanted to learn to play a musical instrument but my father’s business, selling basalt, had hit rock bottom. Therefore my coveted bassoon was out of the question – so no musical education for me.

As adolescence took hold, my first glimpse of a girl in a bassque was enough to make both my voice and several other bits drop! Later, as maturity and a career developed, I taught for many years in a bassin (sorry – sink) school which nearly turned me into a bassket case. However, in the nick of time, I was saved from the nadir of musical despond, by a basstion of NMMVC who pursuaded me to come to a rehearsal. And, captivated by the first song, I mused on which section would be for me . . . tenors I think!

ps. my favourites

• Food sea (‘C’) bass
• Colour deep brown
• Holiday destination Red Sea (lowest ‘C’)
• Beer Red Label Bass
• Book Hound of the Basskervilles
• Film Bassic Instinct
• Actress Kim Bassinger
• Foreign expression Basster! Basster!
• Monument Bassilisk
• Shakesperean character Bassario (Merchant of Venice)
• Cigarette Embassy